The Good Shepherd: A College Update

It’s been awhile since my last blog post, and I’ve grown a lot since I wrote it. 

I wrote from a place of expectation, wondering what was ahead of me in college and where the Lord would take me in my walk with Him. 

In the last few words of the previous post, I said that I wanted to make God a priority in my life and grow deeper in Him so that the Holy Spirit flows out of me onto everything else. It’s so interesting to be at a place now where I can look back and see the things that the Lord has been teaching me this semester. 

When I first came to Liberty, I went in without trying to have expectations, but I couldn’t help having some anyways. To be perfectly honest, the transition to college life was a bit tougher than I thought it’d be, and it kinda threw me off a bit for the first few weeks. 

Since my brother is a senior at Liberty this year and I’ve visited the campus countless times, I thought, Oh this’ll be a breeze. I’ve waited for this for so long, I’ll be fine.

However, I did struggle with the adjustment to college life and I did have more growing to do than I thought I would. For the first bit of my college journey, I actually felt very lonely and frustrated. 

I think it’s something that nobody really talks about and social media sets an expectation that we should meet 10 million of our closest gal pals within the first week of college and everything is presented as just rosy and perfect in our lives. While that may be true for some people, it isn’t always for the majority I think. 

Back at home, I’ve been so blessed to be surrounded with a group of godly women who have been my deep close friends for years. It was really hard for me at first to come to college and meet a bunch of people who knew me as an acquaintance, but didn’t really “know me, know me” so to speak. 

I remember crying to my roommate and best friend since 7th grade, Leah, one night during the first week that I just couldn’t do this college thing anymore. I was just feeling so overwhelmed that  I had a full on panic attack right on the floor of our beautiful dorm room. She hugged me and prayed with me and helped me calm down. Leah even went all the way to the library to print out all my syllabi’s for me so I would feel less stressed. Find yourself a Leah, honestly. She’s one of the kindest, funniest, and selfless people I know. I’m so blessed to have her in my life as my roommate this year. 

A little while after that, I was having one of those nights where I was coming back from a Bible study girls gathering and I just needed to get some things off my chest. I stopped by the library and found a quiet spot looking at the lake, and for the first time in awhile, I had a really honest conversation with God. I didn’t hold anything back and I didn’t try to make my words eloquent or perfectly put. I remember looking up at the night sky and saying to God, “God, I don’t know what I’m doing here at Liberty. I don’t have a purpose here, I’m lonely, I’m frustrated, and disappointed. What am I even doing here?”

I came before God as I was, messy and real. He saw all of me and loved me still. 

There was no “magical moment” or gigantic revelation after that, and I just I went back to my dorm room for the rest of the night and went to bed. 

A few days later, I was sitting in one of my favorite classes, Theology 201, and it just hit me out of the blue. The word theology means the study of God. It’s about knowing God. 

I thought about the passage I read at the Bible study the night I sat outside the library, John 10. John chapter 10 talks about the story of the Good Shepherd. In the story of the Good Shepherd, it mentions how the sheep know his voice so well that they aren’t led astray by anything else. The shepherd knows his sheep deeply and the sheep follow, love, and know the Shepherd in return. It’s the craziest thing, but I started to see the story of the Good Shepherd and verses pertaining to sheep in a multitude of different places everywhere I went. Little reminders of the goodness of God in everything. I realized that looking back, the message of knowing God as my Shepherd was all around me, I just wasn’t listening.

It was in that place of feeling alone that I began to depend on God more deeply than I ever had before. I also realized that if I had found that huge super-close gal pal group right away, then I would not have turned to God as much as I did. 

That being said, I have met a lot of wonderful girls on campus, but they’re in smaller groups spread throughout various different classes and places. I’ve learned that having friends spread out over different places on campus is no less valid than one big friend group in one location. It’s impossible to know people truly deeply in a few weeks, and it’s okay to take time to deepen friendships over the course of a few months and years. 

I’ve had to remind myself of the Lord’s faithfulness, and trust that he will be faithful not just in the past, but in everything to come. Throughout this season of my life at Liberty, the Lord has placed in me such a desire to know Him deeply through His Word and to love others well through being filled with His love. Here at Liberty, I am most passionate about knowing God and His character. He is teaching me to know his voice like I never have before. He is truly my Shepherd and I am so empty without Him. I cannot be as effective in ministry to others without being filled with the Holy Spirit first. Without God, I have nothing of eternal value to offer. 

Since coming to Liberty, I’ve thought a lot about what I what to with my life and I’ve realized that whatever the Lord calls me to, I want what I do to have some kind of eternal impact on the lives of others. I’ve begun to look at different situations as ministry opportunities to show God’s love to others. Ministry isn’t just working in a church, it’s in everything you do and how you use your talents to glorify God. 

As I seek God more and more, it is important to not look to the right or to the left at the growth of others and compare that to my own journey. 

In John 21, Peter is talking with Jesus and as Peter looks over at John he asks Jesus, “Lord, what about this man? Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” 

My journey is not the journey of others and that’s okay. I’m on a path the Lord has specifically designed for me and no one else. I need not look to where others are and compare that to my own walk with God. Faith walks aren’t about comparison with others, it’s about a relationship between you and God. I am His and He is mine. I am so thankful that in the pursuit of God as we draw near to Him, He does not hold himself back from those who earnestly seek Him. 

God, I am your little sheep. May I be content to rest in my identity as your daughter, your beloved. I want to know your voice so deeply that it is the only source of truth that I cling to. God you know me completely, deeply, and truly. Above all else, I want to desire to know you more and more each day. You are never changing, always faithful, always present in our lives, even when we are doubtful and faithless, for you can not deny yourself. Be exalted over all things in my life. Not my desires, dreams, or plans, but yours God. You know what is best for me and you know me exactly where I am in this season of life. Jesus you are the GOOD Shepherd who cares for His sheep. Thank you for leading me into your love and showing me your goodness. Thank you for placing people into my life who love me and who I’m learning to get to know better. Thank you for your patience with me, even as I try to plan out the future way ahead of time. May I trust in your timing, your will, your way above all else. Jesus, make me more like you and fill me with your Holy Spirit each day. My heart is yours, my life is yours. I am your servant. Draw me to you each morning, afternoon, evening and every second in between. You know me completely. You are the Good Shepherd and I am your sheep. Here I am Lord, send me.

The faithfulness of God is behind me, with me in this present moment, and ahead of me for all my days into forever.

John 10:27 “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.”