Bittersweet Things

A collection of thoughts from my first and last performances of The Living Passover.

Thoughts from the first night: 3/18/18

There’s this thing about endings that are so bittersweet. They’re the right mixture of heartache and hopeful all wrapped up in a bunch of emotions. Even just thinking about my last performance of The Living Passover makes me teary because I can just look back and see how GOOD the Lord has been to me and how His faithfulness just shines so brightly in my life. God has brought me so far, taught me so much, and sustained me through it all. My heart is a little bit heavy tonight because I’ve loved being a part of this amazing production so much and it’s so hard to believe that after eight years of my life, this chapter is closing. I’ve been so incredibly blessed with such a wonderful cast that truly feels like family. It’s been such a good couple months and believe me, that last show is going to wreck me. Wow. God is so good. What a unique experience to be a part of. The Living Passover holds such a dear, special place in my heart. Truly, an absolute blessing.

It’s like reading those last chapters of a really good book. You’ve enjoyed every page and you want to see how the story ends, but at the same time you want the book to never end and for there to always be more pages.

The best part about all of this is that there IS more pages after this season. It’s not my entire book, it’s a chapter. I’m curious and excited to see what God is going to teach me as I go off to college at Liberty University in the fall. I know that God has many more amazing things ahead, but it still hurts a little to be leaving such an amazing experience behind as this season ends for me.

It’s so brilliant and beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking all at once.

I’m in awe of Your goodness, Jesus. It makes me want to tell the world, “Come and see this overwhelming joy I’ve found in Him.”

How majestic is His name in all the earth.

 

Thoughts from the last night: 3/31/18

As I conclude this collection of thoughts, I’ve just finished my very last performance of The Living Passover. Wow. How overwhelmingly bittersweet. If there was anything in life that would be the perfect definition of this, it would be today. I laughed, I cried, I rejoiced in the Lord. Sad tears, happy tears, and all in between.

There was one thing today that really stood out to me as a picture of God’s provision and faithfulness. After the Alabaster Box scene finished, Amaris (who plays Mary Magdalene) runs from where she was on stage and down the isle with the biggest smile on her face. It was such a picture to me of how God has redeemed me in my own life and through that redemption, I can run into the next season of my life without fear of what’s to come and full of God’s joy.

As this was my last TLP show, it both filled me with such joy and broke my heart, all at the same time. Singing Shout to the Lord for the last time as a full cast member on stage, brought me to tears and I worshipped from the deep places of my heart with tears running down my face. Tears because it’s over and tears because of what God has brought me through. Truly “I sing for JOY at the work of your hands, forever I’ll love you, forever I’ll stand. Nothing compares to the promise I have in you.”

After that song, I danced through Roni Roni, giving absolutely everything and holding back nothing. I really had the time of my life up there dancing, twirling Leah around, and laughing my heart out. I can honestly say that I believe we’ll be singing and dancing to that song in heaven one day. I can’t wait for that.

Through “Oh the Blood” I’m reminded clearly of Jesus’s perfect sacrifice for me on the cross and how through Him, I am completely covered in His abundant mercy and grace. He is my victory.

As I sang my final “All Rise,” it was so amazing to look out at the audience and watch my Dad out there, praising Jesus with his arms lifted high. It was so special this year to be standing directly behind the two “Jesus’s.” It was like a little picture of heaven, worshipping right next to Jesus, singing in unity with my fellow cast mates. Once again, I had tears pouring down my eyes in this song and I couldn’t stop thinking “this is really it, this is the last one.”

Almost half of my life I have been involved with TLP in some way, and this season is really coming to an end. Wow. I still can’t believe it. God has been so good and kind and faithful to me in this season. I’ve met so many wonderful people and had so much fun. I’m so blessed to have had the opportunity to play Hadassah and have Leah as my sister, Miriam. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect final year. It was amazing in every way.

I’m just overwhelmed by God’s grace and love. He is so so SO faithful.

I can’t believe it’s over. But as one thing ends, yet another work of God in my life begins.

Thank you Jesus, for everything you’ve done, and everything you have yet to do. Thank you forever. Oh the overwhelming, never ending, love of God.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19