Thoughts on Identity

I never thought I would feel this way a year ago. I really thought I had my life planned out, or somewhat of a plan. But sometimes God has other plans.

For the longest time I thought I wanted to be an English major. In fact, I was sure of it. I would proudly proclaim it to anyone who asked me what I wanted to do with my life. Now, I’m not quite sure what I want to study or what I want to do.

I’ve come to the realization that for so long I’ve wrapped up my identity with what I thought would be my profession and somewhat idolized it. I, Sarah Kern Lemley, was an English major. Inside and out. Born to write the greatest novel known to man. And maybe I will still study English. Who knows. But right now I think my life and identity is bigger than just what I want to study.

The Lord has given me so many interests and passions and I’ve grown in new areas this past year that I wouldn’t have even given a second thought to before. Recently I’ve become passionate about health and nutrition. I have such joy in making beautiful healthy food. A little while ago I really didn’t like cooking much at all and healthy eating really wasn’t a huge priority for me. Since my Dad’s heart attack, I’ve grown even more passionate about healthy alternatives and deciding to follow a heart healthy lifestyle and encouraging other people to do the same.

I don’t know what the rest of this year will look like. I really don’t. And that scares me a bit since I’m such a planner-person. The unknown is scary and uncertain. But God is teaching me that He is certain, He is my Provider, my Teacher, and my Shepherd. I need to trust Him more. It’s a process of surrendering daily and releasing my death grip on this idea that I can control everything and make it perfect. Because I really can’t.

But I’m learning that life is a bit like a dance with Jesus. Two steps forward, three steps backward. He’s there when I stumble and He’s a gentle and patient teacher. He is the perfect dance partner in this journey I’m on. He will never step on my toes. He won’t leave me when I mess up. He is patient and He is good. It’s about letting Him lead this dance, and following where he guides me. I can’t say it enough. He is good. He is always near, even when we feel like He’s not. It’s about seeking Him and yearning for His presence. Pressing closer to the one who will always love me and never fail me. Throughout the turmoil of the change and the storm, He is my constant companion.

I say it again, He is good.